Insert line about waking up early to start your day/being employed at a demanding job (that you love, though (Remember, your life is perfect!))/having some lucrative business opportunity that you’re excited for:
e.g. “I was awoken by the sun today, and after preparing for work I sipped my coffee alongside the deafening silence of the morning.”
Insert line that immediately juxtaposes how you started your story, negating all positivity:
“However, my day took a sudden turn for the worst: I shat my pants.”
Insert line that juxtaposes the moment that literally just happened, re-inserting all positivity while negating said previous negativity:
“Although I was ahead of schedule, this threw a wrench at my day; however, I didn’t let it bother me. I was still in control of the situation.”
Insert line that somehow summarizes the story while reaching for straws at some brainless, mindful bit of wisdom:
“I was prepared. I threw my soiled khakis into the laundry bin and calmly ironed another pair. Although I lost some time due to a hostile, roguish fart, I still made it to my meeting on time — I was ready for whatever life could throw at me. Remember, not all stains are permanent. Besides it all, I still enjoyed my coffee.”
Now relax, pat yourself on the back, and watch as the likes roll in.
Better yet, maybe get started on cleaning those khakis.